Wisch List – Page 83 – Chronicling Chicago. Daily.

Happy Homecoming: Wisch List returns to print

Today marks my return as a newspaper columnist — after a lengthy hiatus following stints with the Daily Times in Ottawa, Ill., and the Chicago Tribune — with my debut column for the newspaper I grew up reading as a kid, the Daily Journal in Kankakee.

I’d like to again thank everyone who’s been in touch this week since I broke the news that I was returning to the writing game. It’s much appreciated, and I look forward to you following along with me as we see wherever it is that the Wisch List takes us this time.

And, so, without any further ado, it’s on with the Wisch List, version 3.0 …

Happy Homecoming: Wisch List returns to print

The WISCH LIST

May 30, 2009

When I was 3 years old, there were few things – save, maybe, Santa Claus, Superman and sugar – that got my motor running more than the news that company was coming over to visit.

Because, immediately upon getting word from my parents that friends or relatives were headed our way, I’d hustle off to grab my box of Crayolas and pad of construction paper so I could get down to business.

Half an hour or so later, I’d proudly emerge from the salt mines with a mess of meticulously scribbled chicken scratch. And upon our visitors’ arrival, I’d hop up on the family room couch and proceed to regale them with the elaborate story that I’d just written.

Even though I didn’t yet know how to write.

Three decades later, I like to think that big imagination is still alive, but that I’ve also picked up a few new skills along the way.

Including, you know, literacy.

Since graduating from Bradley-Bourbonnais Community High School in 1994 and the University of Illinois four years later, I’ve used those lessons learned to launch my own newspaper column, win a slew of writing awards, earn a reporting gig with the Chicago Tribune and even publish a book.

Somewhat ironically, though, in a lengthy writing career that even predates, well, writing, I’ve never before written for my hometown newspaper.

Until today.

For those of you who don’t know me, hey, I’m Dave. And for those of you who do, well, it’s great to be among friends. But what I’m really here for today is to introduce you to something else.

The Wisch List.

(It’s pleased to meet you, too.)

This marks the debut of my column in the pages of the Daily Journal, and I couldn’t be happier for it to have found a home here.

Seven summers ago when I was writing sports and features for the Daily Times – a sister paper of the Daily Journal located in Ottawa, Ill., that’s now called The Times – I launched the Wisch List as a self-dubbed column about “Life – and the people who live it.”

Since then, both the Wisch List and myself have been on quite a wild ride.

In November 2004, I published 75 of my columns in a book that I entitled, “Northern IlliNOISE: Tales of a Territory.” Less than year later, in July 2005, I took a news reporting job with the Chicago Tribune, and took the “Wisch List” with me.

There, I adapted the column into only the third-ever blog to appear at chicagotribune.com. And after two busy years of covering the city and the suburbs both online and in print, I left the Trib in July 2007, but not Chicago.

These days, I write full-time for a suburban advertising agency, live just blocks away from Wrigley Field and revel in all the wonderful things that the Windy City has to offer (as well as occasionally grumble about what it does not).

And it’s Chicago that the Wisch List is now all about.

Through this weekly column, I hope to bring Chicago closer to home for all of you, sharing stories about the interesting people I meet, the sights you should be seeing, the sports teams you care about, and the issues up here in the City of Big Shoulders, Taxes and Potholes that are relevant to you.

Beyond that, who knows what else we’ll get ourselves into through this column, but I’m certainly looking forward to finding out.

As for you, all I ask is to feel free to get in touch with me anytime, whether it’s by e-mailing me at wischlist@daily-journal.com, finding me on Facebook, following me on Twitter (twitter.com/wischlist) or checking in with me through my blog at wischlist.com.

You can just say hello, or, even better, pass along a column idea or a Chicago-related topic that you’d like to see explored.

It was 4½ years ago that I opened my book with the following passage:

If nothing else, I am an Illinois boy.
Born (in tiny Clifton) and raised (in bigger Bourbonnais). Bred (on Chicago Cubs baseball) and fed (a steady diet of disappointment. Naturally).
Through thick (winter coats) and thin (wallets, as a college student). In sickness (again, Cubs fan) and in health (the Michael Jordan Era).
For richer or poorer. For better or worse. And so on, and so on …
‘Til death do us part.
(Which, hopefully, won’t be for quite some time.)

And those words still ring true today.

Although, I should add that in between my birth in Clifton and my youth in Bourbonnais, I spent the first 3½ years of my life living on Nelson Avenue in Kankakee. So, for me, this column truly is a return to my roots.

You could even say it’s like going home again, home again …

Jiggity jog.

I think my 3-year-old self would have liked that one.

So, I’m a newspaper columnist again … Yep, really.

On Monday, I posted an update on my Facebook page stating that I had some big news to share — but not quite yet, prompting a number of my friends to offer their amusing speculations.

(And, yes, call me a tease.)

Well, I’m ready to share. And, no, I’m not running for political office in Illinois (although I hear the perks are fantastic). I’m not pregnant (thanks, Kelly. Smart aleck). And I’m not Batman (dangit).

But starting this weekend, I am a newspaper columnist again.

Yes, thanks to the fine folks at The Daily Journal in Kankakee, who have recruited me to write a weekly column for my hometown area newspaper, the Wisch List is coming back to life — and not only in pixels, but also (gasp!) actual ink and wood pulp, a medium I still treasure.

For my friends around Kankakee, the column will launch in the newspaper on Saturday and run each weekend. For my friends in other areas, the Daily Journal recently made its Web site subscription-only — feel free to subscribe! — but I’ll make sure you can keep up with my columns through this blog.

And, of course, I’ll post reminders via Facebook and Twitter, as well.

It’s been almost four years since July 5, 2005, when I last wrote my the Wisch List as a print column for The Daily Times in Ottawa, Ill., where between 2001 and 2005 I won 18 national, regional and state editorial awards, including six first places. And it’s been almost two years since I last wrote the newspaper blog version of the Wisch List for chicagotribune.com.

But I’m excited to say that my self-dubbed column about “Life — and the people who live it” is back. And this incarnation is Chicago-centric, as I’ll be sharing stories about the city’s people, places, things and issues as I intend to bring Chicago closer to home for my readers.

Even if you already live in the city.

The column for the Daily Journal is a weekly side endeavor, not a full-time gig. I already have a great job (writing for the advertising and innovation agency Maddock Douglas in Elmhurst), but now I have a great side job, too.

And it only took the patience of Job to find them both. 😉

So, anyways, make sure to check back in this Saturday to read my debut column with the Journal. Until then, have a great rest of the week. And, if you ever have any column ideas for me, always feel free to pass them way. I’d love to hear them.

Where it’s Memorial Day all summer long

It’s Memorial Day (have a happy one, by the way), so I figured there’s no better time than now to share my newspaper column from five years ago when I was at The Daily Times in Ottawa, Ill., and visited the one place in north central Illinois …

Where it’s Memorial Day all summer long

The WISCH LIST

June 1, 2004

There were burgers. There were hot dogs. There were lawn chairs, blankets and a whole mess of giggling kids running over and around them.

And just before the festivities really got underway this past weekend in Earlville, they turned on a recording of the national anthem and staged a red-white-and-blue tribute to our nation’s military.

Memorial Day picnic, right?

Nah, double-feature.

But don’t say people weren’t remembering during this Memorial Day Weekend at the Route 34 Drive-In Theater.

Heck, that’s all they do there.

“My dad was a union projectionist,” Ron Magnoni, Jr., Route 34 Drive-In’s owner since 1994, said last Friday evening while tearing tickets and handing them through minivan windows outside his theater’s entrance. “I’ve been doing this kind of stuff since I was a kid.”

Lucky stiff.

In the era of DVDs, flat-screen TVs and multiplex theaters not a whole lot of people catch their movies in the great outdoors anymore. But for the past five decades in the grassy field banked by a railroad track and a rural highway just west of Earlville, they’ve been doing exactly that.

“This is the 50th year here,” Magnoni, a native of Oglesby, said about the dandy dinosaur that is Route 34 Drive-In, which is selling commemorative pins and magnets this summer in honor of its milestone anniversary. “The theater opened on June 11, 1954.”

According to the original newspaper ad hanging on wall inside the concession stand — where they still sell Green River fountain drinks and have a working jukebox — the double-feature on that long-ago evening included “Pride of the Bluegrass” (starring Lloyd Bridges) and “Paris Playboys,” plus a bonus short of Walt Disney’s “Three Little Pigs.”

This past Friday, it was “Scooby Doo 2” and “Starsky & Hutch” flickering on the big screen. But, no matter the movie, the drive-in’s appeal has remained the same.

“I’ve been coming here probably 23, 24 years,” Ottawan Becky Johnson said while she and her husband, Stanley, sat on the open tailgate of their pick-up truck, waiting for the sun to go down. “The kids have grown up and ditched us … But when it’s a nice night, we just throw the bed in the back of the truck, kick back and enjoy the fresh air.”

Not to mention the price.

“Six bucks, two movies …” Becky said. “Can’t beat it.”

In the late 1950s, during the height of the Drive-In boom, Illinois had more than 120 outdoor theaters scattered throughout the state. Today in the 21st century, that number has plummeted by 90 percent, and only 12 drive-ins remain.

But one of them still stands just 20 miles northwest of Ottawa.

Or 50 miles east of Princeton — if you’re coming from that way.

“We heard about the theater through word of mouth,” said Jennifer Williams of Princeton, who made the Friday night drive over with her husband, their 5-year-old son, Jacob, and his buddy Matthew. “We came just a few weeks ago, and it’s a blast.

“Jacob even turned down ‘Shrek 2’ to come see Scooby Doo outside.”

“Yep,” said Jacob, who was missing his two front teeth but not the chance to see a show on a 50-foot screen. “I like the part where we sit in the back of the truck.”

He wasn’t the only one.

“All your problems go away for a couple hours when you’re here,” a drive-in buff named Joe said last Friday. “And there’s nothing like seeing the picture on the great big screen.

“It’s better than sitting in a shoebox theater.”

(This column — along with many more, by the way — appears in my book, “Northern IlliNOISE: Tales of a Territory,” which you can read more about here.)

May the Force live long and prosper

If you’re a huge Star Wars fan, but never felt the same excitement about Star Trek until the new movie came out this summer … well, this could perhaps explain your change of heart.

“The Watchmen!”

Considering its “R” rating, no kids will be watching “The Watchmen” this weekend (not legally, at least). But what if the dark and violent graphic novel had been adapted for a peppy 1980s Saturday Morning cartoon? Let’s just say Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would have gotten a run for their money.

The economy? Just grin and beer it

The following was sent to me today by a co-worker, so I don’t vouch for the numbers or examples (at all).

But, nevertheless, considering that we have enough sobering thoughts with this economy, I figured it’s not a bad idea to share a less-than-sober one, as well.

So, bottom’s up, and have a great weekend and have yourself a laugh …

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago you would have $49 left.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the
aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214 cash.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg.

Hmm … is Natty Lite publicly traded?

Zzz-mail: Don’t snooze on it

When I was a senior in college, I fantasized about getting a job as a professional sleeper.

I was that good at it.

(Unfortunately, nobody was hiring.)

Joe, my roommate, on the other hand, was just the opposite of me when it came to sleep.

The poor guy had more nocturnal issues than The Night of the Living Dead.

During his junior year, for example, Joe would sleepwalk on a regular basis. That wasn’t so bad for him, I suppose (he never tripped). But, it was downright awful for Joe’s roommate who kept getting the bejeezus scared out of every time he woke up at 4 a.m. and found Joe at his bedroom doorway.

Just standing there.

In the dark.

Thankfully, Joe didn’t sleepwalk the next year when I roomed with him — or, at least, if he did he never ended up planting himself in my doorway — but that’s not to say that he didn’t have, well, a few other peccadilloes.

One night, Joe woke up i the wee hours of the morning and became positively convinced that — in the pitch-blackness of his room — someone was sitting in a chair in the corner of his room, staring at him.

For a good two hours, Joe told me the next day, he just laid in his bed — scared silent — as he tried to identify the intruder.

Which turned out to be his guitar case.

Later on that year, Joe got the bright idea to tape up an enormous poster of Jack Nicholson’s legendary “Heeeeeere’s, Johnny” scene from “The Shining” on his bedroom ceiling.

Directly above his bed.

Not surprisingly, after a couple of nights of nearly wetting the bed when he woke up flat on his back and saw Jack’s psychotic grin staring back at him in the dark, Joe took the poster down.

And put it on the wall behind his head, instead.

As goofy as my old roommate’s nocturnal hijinks were, however, not even he attempted something quite as wild as what the medical journal Sleep Medicine claims that a 44-year-old woman did one night while sleepwalking:

She sent Zzz-mail.

Or, perhaps, more specifically, Zzz-vites.

Because, according to the magazine Fortean Times, which looked into the case, this woman reportedly logged on to her computer and e-mailed party invitations to friends that “were perhaps not up to the woman’s waking standard; each was in a random mix of upper and lower case characters, badly formatted and containing odd expressions. One read: ‘Come tomorrow and sort this hell hole out. Dinner and drinks, 4.pm. Bring wine and caviar only.’ Another said simply: ‘What the…’ ”

Party sounds kind of like a snooze to me, but nevertheless …

The doctors who authored the study for Sleep Medicine, went on to say that they “believe writing an email after turning the computer on, connecting to the Internet and remembering the password displayed by our patient is novel.

“To our knowledge this type of complex behaviour requiring coordinated movements has not been reported before in sleepwalking. She was shocked when she saw these emails, as she did not recall writing them. She did not have any history of night terrors or sleepwalking as a child.”

Then again, neither did another girl who I also knew during my senior year of college.

Nevertheless, she too, staged her own amusing stunt while sleeping as, after pulling an all-nighter in preparation for a final, she dozed off in class the next day right during the middle of her essay test.

Upon snapping back awake, this girl was amazed to discover that while snoozing she had scrawled the single word “YELLOW” in large letters on her exam.

Which just so happened to be the dominant color of her plush bedroom back home at her parents’ house.

And with that, I’ve got to say I’m green.

The color of my comforter.

G’night, everyone. Sleep tight, and don’t let the Zzz-mails write.

How To Cultivate Love

If you’re sick and tired of dating “fast-paced, two-faced, game-playing city slickers,” well, you’re in luck. There’s hope for you this Valentine’s Day, and it can be found right here.

The Things We Do For Love

Five Valentine’s Days have passed since I wrote the following. But the thing still holds up quite well today, if I do say so myself …

The Things We Do For Love

Feb. 13, 2004

It’s tomorrow, fellas.

Yeah, you know … Valentine’s Day.

Remember?

“You’ve never seen so many men in a Hallmark shop,” Dana Fuget, an employee at Kirlin’s Hallmark in Ottawa, Ill., said earlier this week about the store’s surge in male clientele during the days leading up to Feb. 14. “Two days before (Valentine’s Day), the day before …”

Some on the day of.

“Oh yeah,” Fuget said about those 11th-hour Romeos. “And some guys, you can sell them about anything … But a lot of them, they do know what they want.”

Apparently, they’re the lucky ones. Because, according to Regena Thomashauer, the proprietor of Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts in New York City, most men don’t have a clue when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

Recently, Thomashauer launched a toll-free “911” hotline for the romantically-challenged (1-866-595-6832) where men — and women — can call for advice on what to do for their sweethearts on Feb. 14.

According to Thomashauer, the biggest question from men is, “What do women want, and why won’t they tell us?”

And the women?

They wonder, “How come he doesn’t know what I want?”

Good luck, everybody. Looks like you’ll need it.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, here are a few more of the outrageous, the quirky and the downright bizarre “love bytes” culled from a search of the Internet, wire services and newspapers from around the world …

Now, that’s puppy love

In Kailai, Nepal, a 75-year-old man lost all of his teeth — and then miraculously saw them grow back, in spite of his advanced age. Local custom dictates that when an old man regrows teeth, he must marry a dog to “avoid great misfortune.”

The man followed through — only to die just a few days later, leaving his pup a widow.

Don’t blow it, buy this …

For Valentine’s Day, the Circus World Museum in Baraboo, Wis., is hawking bouquets of bright red, long-stem noses for your sweetheart.

Yes, noses.

Think of the red rubber kind that clowns prefer.

“It’s saying, ‘I love you’ in a funny, fun way,” said Ed Taylor, spokesman for the museum, which attaches with each bouquet a note stating that, “These noses were picked especially for you.”

Am I the winner — or just a loser?

Last month on the online auction site eBay, an 18-year-old female college student in California put herself up for auction as an “imaginary girlfriend.”

The offer included four weeks of an “imaginary relationship,” during which she would mail a photo and write one love letter a week on perfume-scented stationery, detailing whatever the highest bidder wanted her to say.

“What this date does NOT include,” wrote the woman, “are real face-to-face dates, phone calls or much effort from you … After your time is up, you can ‘dump’ me with whatever crazy story you feel like.”

Winning bid: $53.00

And for your birthday, a can of Raid

As part of its Valentine’s Day adoption program called “Give Your Beauty a Beast,” the Ross Park Zoo in Binghamton, N.Y. is promoting hissing cockroaches as the perfect gift.

For $10, you can adopt a hissing cockroach for your sweetheart. The adoption includes a photo, cockroach fact sheet and a free pass to visit the little hisser at the zoo.

For those whose don’t feel that a cockroach says “I love you,” there are some romantic alternatives. The zoo has bearded dragons and black vultures available for adoption, as well.

Whatever you need to tell yourself

On Saturday in more than 40 countries, people will be celebrating International Quirkyalone Day as an alternative to Valentine’s Day.

Meant to be social gatherings for single people who believe in celebrating romance, friendship and the independent spirit, the events stress that they are NOT meant to be self-pity parties.

And they wonder why they’re overpopulated

According to the China Youth Daily newspaper, between 30 and 44 percent of all condoms on sale in China are defective.

Honey, you’ll never guess what I did today

In the Maylasian state of Terenggau, a law allows married men to take another wife — without even informing their first wife beforehand.

And monks are from Jupiter

Before he became an author, Dr. John Gray, 50, who wrote the best-selling field guide to understanding the opposite sex, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,” spent nine years living in the Himalyan mountains as a celibate Hindu monk.

This will be going on your permanent record

In China, match-making services have become a big deal with between 300 and 400 agencies in the nation’s Hebei province alone. But for those people wary of meeting strangers in such a way, service members can demand to see a person’s “behavior certificate,” reportedly issued by the person’s employer to ascertain his or her good behavior and character.

And people complained about Janet Jackson

The 2004 MTV Asia Awards will be held in Singapore on Saturday. With the date being Feb. 14, the event will naturally feature a Valentine’s Day theme.

In fact, scheduled to make several appearances during the awards show is a group of “student cupid” mascots.

Who it turns out are a bunch of burly, hairy and unkempt men.

Well, forget Atkins …

According to a survey published in an Italian health magazine, it’s love that will make you thin.

According to the February issue of Dimagrire (translated: Lose Weight) magazine, 8 out of 10 Italians find that a new love interest is the best way for both men and women to get in shape.

The slimming doesn’t last forever, though. For one-third of those surveyed, the pounds shed to impress their lovers do return.

When they get married.

Who needs Hallmark?

The Katong Flower Shop in Thailand is using a new technology that allows people to print a love notes on flower petals.

The florist offers a choice of four messages: “Happy Valentine’s Day,” “With All My Love,” “Be My Valentine” and “I Love You.”

Called “Speaking Roses,” the blooms cost twice the price of regular roses.

Now, if he can just find the cure for cancer

Turkish scientist Onur Gunturkun spent hours in airports, train stations and beaches in the United States, Germany and Turkey doing research for a study in which he discovered that 64.5 percent of couples tilt their heads to the right when they kiss.

If you don’t know, you probably aren’t

In a recent poll done by the International Mass Retail Association, 65 percent of Americans said they consider themselves romantic, while another one-third said they weren’t.

The rest said they just didn’t know.

Maybe it is easy being green

A poll in Malaysia recently asked 20 couples who they thought the world’s hottest onscreen lovers were.

No. 10 on the list was Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.

A Rocky Mountain low

Derek Monni, 33, of Denver, Colo. recently climbed to the top of a mountain along with his girlfriend, Debra Sweeney, intending to propose to her at the summit. Upon reaching the mountaintop, however, the couple accidentally dropped, and lost, the engagement ring while slipping it on Sweeney’s finger.

That would be the $11,450 engagement ring.

After this, he was a real bleeding heart romantic

A recent survey on DateableSingles.com asked women what was the least romantic gift they’ve received on Valentine’s Day. Runners-up included a Nordic Trac, a vacuum, a Black & Decker screwdriver and a broom.

But the winner?

Roses — with a card for another woman.

Doin’ it like they do on the Discovery Channel

In 1989, after noticing that the penguins get frisky every February, San Francisco Zoo penguin keeper Jane Tollini cut out paper hearts, decorated the penguin pool and put some Johnny Mathis music on the boombox. She then invited a select crew of colleagues to come over and enjoy the “show.”

Today, the zoo’s “Valentine’s Day Sex Tour” has become so popular that it’s a reservation-only affair with tickets that cost $40.

Uh, guys, stick to the stock market …

As an example of how to surprise your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day, the Wall Street Journal had this zany piece of advice:

“Champagne is perfect for Valentine’s day, of course, but the problem is that your valentine is expecting it. So this year, have a glass of champagne …

“And then surprise your valentine with a bottle of red Burgundy.”

The Crunkest Gym in America

Forget Cameron Indoor. Never mind Phog Allen. And, sorry, “Orange Krush.”

Because, whatever you do, don’t foul out of a basketball game in front of the “Dawg Pound” at North Carolina A&T …

The Crunkest Gym in America.